July 4: American Experiment

Birthdays, are a time to celebrate and also to reflect on memories and to anticipate the future. As we sweltered on the eve of our nation's birthday, I thought about a Godson who arrived just before the fireworks and is now celebrating adulthood.  I thought about his great-grandmother, a real firecracker, whose watermelon and blueberry infused day was often spent swimming and picnicking. I thought about the Bi-Centennial when I spent the day on The Mall before and an evening watching fireworks at Lincoln's feet. I also reflected on fireworks from a window at Hershey Medical Center where my uncle fought for life and hauling all kinds of treasures from the Stormville Flea Market. 

Locally, the heat dome has impacted many picnics and outdoor activities this year. Political strife also clouds many celebrations and provides an ongoing worries. There is also a clear reminder, this year, of the caution of George Washington, Ben Franklin, and even Abe Lincoln who were concerned about, and warned us to protect, the American Experiment. Our future as a country has been and will be determined by its people. Something about his time of year and birthdays seems to be a reminder we are stronger as a complex and diverse nation, infused from the beginning by brave outsiders arriving whether or not they were /are welcomed! 

Indigenous, immigrant, eager,

On boats, planes, foot, excited, 

Some penniless, escaping,

Seeking freedom, new lives

Some against their will,

We all pursue

American

Dreams

Not one

Rather, many,

Same, different,

Wanting a chance to

Earn, learn, live without fear

To participate, celebrate,

The American Experiment 

SOL26: June 30: What Were They Thinking?

I am sharing as part of the TWT Slice of Life community today.  

It's summer and it's NJ warm, not Arizona hot. I thought I had dressed appropriately for the doctor appointment in a skort and white tee. I wore my sandals because shoes would be extra weight on the scale. The waiting room was packed with the humans who either had the same Monday morning time slot, were shipped in from the Jersey Shore, or were serious about trying to fool the scale! They wore bikini tops and shorts that just grazed the parts you should keep covered. I tried not to stare. I tried to be jealous of their weight loss strategies. I tried to rationalize they were going to have to get undressed anyway!  I really do not know what they were thinking? 

As I went through a old photos (my June project), I found photo evidence of Queenie, my Grandfather's pet fox from the era when my Mother was a young girl!  I had heard reference to the "pet" and now I have photo-evidence of such a critter. I did check with AI, and it would appear it is now illegal to own one in most states. They are wild animals with high energy and will (according to Google) mark their territory and attack for protection if you know what I mean. Yet, here are photos of my mother (the little one) and her sister, and my grandfather, Gerow, with Queenie!  Seriously, what were they thinking?

I thought about all the other what were they thinking moments just today, like what were they thinking with that Reflecting Pool mess and what were they thinking when they rented MSG for a wedding decoy (wedding)? Then, I thought about how my Grandmother and my Mother would have been appalled that I wore a skort and plastic sandals (even if they were Oofoss) to a doctor appointment! Perhaps, many of us could use a reminder to think about the impact of our decisions. 

June 29: Questions

This month, I have been plowing through family photographs and memorabilia. I am left with questions about people who are no longer earth-side. 

Like this clearly formal wedding portrait from my Aunt Helen's wedding in about 1947. The men, including my dad, are wearing topcoats! Did she somehow "hit the lottery" because the farm had recently been sold even though others had no money for college? Did she have a much better secretarial job than I thought? Did Uncle David, the groom, fund the fancy wedding? 

Like this signed 9 X 12 picture from the 1984 Mondale-Ferraro presidential ticket! I did remember The Aunts were big time Kennedy supporters with memorial ash trays and other trinkets around the apartment. I realized the Irish-Catholic-young-good-looking-Camelot pull there. However, I missed the financial and clear support of this political ticket with a female in the VP seat! Clearly and happily ahead of their times! Was it the common Orange County country roots or the shared Brooklyn-Queens life? I am proud of my Aunt Lora for pushing respect for women in all the Houses of Washington even 40 years ago!                                                                                                                      

Now, so many more questions

Now, I can only wonder and imagine,

Now, there are no answers.

June 28: Hikes, Bikes, and Swims, too

My memory was that my own children spent a good chunk of their free time care-giving for grandparents and helping with chores around the house in the days before they explored working on their own. As I have been going through the photo memories that I have, I have decided they really had pretty good, if not wild and crazy or extravagant childhoods!  

Evidence to support my claim begins with planned or even unplanned hikes often spurred by Uncle Vince with cousins where paths were explored and laughter filled the woods. More than once, to be honest, we were unsure of our way out of the maze of black diamond and triangle labeled trails, if not totally lost! This image (Uncle Vince, Tony, me, Aunt Barbara, Della) was likely taken from a person who was far ahead of the rest on the hike with a camera! 

Sometimes, we hiked on magical trails where the wonders of nature were abundant and the majesty of the earth was everywhere. More than once we swam in Bash Bish Falls even if you were not supposed to do so!  More than once, I held my breath as we hiked or even mountain biked on steep and windy trails where the views were almost worth the work and worry.

My photos would suggest there were lots more afternoons spent with nature than at amusement parks and in restaurants!  I wish we had taken you on trips to explore at bit of the world while we could have done so. I also wish I had known then, how fleeting and wonderful those days would be in the chapters of our story. Yet, there was more time spent together doing-outdoors-activities than my now fleeting and tear-stained memories might suggest. There were smiles and there was laughter in our family as well as love. 

If I am honest, it may have been those early hikes and camping trips with Vince, Barbara and their growing family, before we had children, which shaped our parenting in a quiet manner. In those days, before my job was Mom, I might even have, one time, had a trunk full of Twinkies and been remembered, forever, as The Goody Queen.  (Sometimes, the memories are so powerful you really do not need pictures)

Keep them busy and outdoors may have been the plan, even if we never articulated it! Perhaps, I may even be remembered as an OK parent! 

Hikes, bikes, swims, laughs, smiles,

There really were more than I remembered!

Seeds planted at Cranberry Lake

June 27: Cousins

One of the emerging themes from this month long picture dive is the role of cousins in shaping our lives.. We put enormous energy into our jobs and maintaining our lives; yet, we are all replaceable at work, but not to our families. I could fill this page with endless pictures that represent poignant moments between family members, especially cousins!

Like the image of my cousin and I in the bamboo art exhibit finding a moment of happiness after my Dad's passing upended our long planned trip.  Or the image of my cousin and I at his son's wedding where our "Irish roots" were clearly smiling!

Or  image of these cousins sharing a tender moment with their cousin, a flower girl, at another cousins's wedding even if one of them was heading across the pond in mere hours for a semester abroad! 

Or celebrating another cousin's wedding crowding into the photo booth because they were having a rare and special moment together! Or, just sharing a moment and pleasing a parent after sharing the excitement on some, probably football or soccer or lacrosse field!  Over time, the complex demands of merging careers and families and distance usually grows, but so does the love.

Grateful

For cousins

Who share our

Stories, roots, in a

Way no other can do! 

Inspiring, encouraging, all that might be, 

Even when we are far apart for

Long stretches of space and time, held together

Deep roots, strong branches, sinewy genetics, lifelong awareness, familial love.

June 25: Celebrate

The last week in June is a big one for celebrations like last night's send off for high school graduates filled with all the mixed emotions of joy, pride, and realization of the potential of a new chapter that began as they flipped their tassels. Those celebrating will not remember the words of any of the speeches, but they will remember how they felt nervous and happy and unsure and excited by the future as they celebrated. I focused, as best as I could, on that joyous celebration while acknowledging the potential for our world standing on those risers! 

My mind did wander, at one point to a similar late June evening, just three years ago when the graduate's sister stood on those same risers and to that time years ago when my daughter graduated from high school in a similar ceremony where friends also gathered to celebrate their stories that were really just beginning. I also remembered watching the graduate's mother celebrate her high school graduation and remembered the illicit while sandals I wore to my own, long ago, while acknowledging the Lion King, Circle of Life moment! 

Celebrate 

The chapters

Along the journey.

June 24: I Barely Knew Them

I'm plowing through old photographs this month and realize there are some relatives I barely knew.

Like my Dad's oldest sibling, Uncle Phil (Philip) who had already left the farm for Northwestern University before my father was born. He worked as an engineer for  NYC Transit and lived in a small brick house with his wife, Aunt Nettie. They had no children, but shared their narrow home in Brooklyn with a disabled niece. I think we visited twice and remember the smell of his cigar filled the house and made me feel sick. They shared boxes of chocolate candies wrapped in foil. When I was in high school, he spent several months before he died in a NYC hospital ward. My mother asked me to write a note to put in a card to send each day. After he passed, someone found a note gifting me with his black, side-mirror-less, rear-mirror-less, and radio-less 1954 Ford sedan. I had just gotten my license and part of me felt like the luckiest person in the world as I decorated it with big flower stickers as if I was a real hippy. Even then, I knew I really did nothing to deserve that gift. 

Like my Dad's second oldest sibling, Uncle George who had also left for the Army (I think) before that last child arrived. He married Aunt Madelyn and settled in his hometown working in the infamous NY State prison of Sing Sing. I remember going to their very modern (to me) ranch home one time, but I was young and have no idea why we were there! They had one child, my cousin Sheila, and spent their retirement playing golf and raising her children in Florida. Through stories, I know my uncle thrived for many years after much of his intestine was removed and outlived two pacemakers! After my son was born, I found my son's given name was Uncle George's middle name. Coincidentally, they were gifts from God.                                                                        Uncle George, Sheila Jimmy and baby

SOL26: June 23: Semi-quincentennial

 

I'm sharing with the Slice of Life Community today. Lately, news of the Reflecting Pool has me remembering the 200th Birthday celebration,

In the days after dinosaurs roamed and before cell phones, I lived just over the Potomac when our nation was celebrating its 200th birthday. (I realize writing this confirms any doubt that I am aged to perfection!) 

We left our car parked along a side street somewhere in Virginia and walked, I think, over the bridge to visit hoards of food, craft, and trinket vendors who were hawking their wares along the Reflecting Pool. I must admit I never noticed if it was clean or dirty, but I remember the reflection of the Washington Monument was perfectly centered in the enormous pond. 

As the sun prepared to set that day, there was music.  Perhaps it was a band, but maybe it was piped over loudspeakers. The nation was, at that moment, in a peaceful state of affairs after the decade of Vietnam and the Watergate Scandal. While the economy was struggling and there were few jobs to be had, I think we were optimistic. (Perhaps that was young love?) We watched the fireworks at Lincoln's feet filled and walked home. 

I wish I wanted to go back and visit for the semi-quincentennial. 

June 23: Changing Directions

 When I started this month-long-journey through a box of photos from family, I thought I would quickly scan and toss. I started remembering people and places, while reaching sad dead-ends when I could not identify so many leaves from my family tree. I am now sure that even in this AI infused information age, if we do not write down our stories, they will be lost! 

These are my Mother's people and her words are as important as the images. I did have to use Google to determine that Guilford 1916 (upper image) was likely the seaside town of Guilford, Conn. It is the Quick family and the tall young man in the back would become my Grandfather. I'm left to wonder what this struggling family was doing all dressed up so far from their rural NYS farm? A wedding? A funeral? A vacation seems unlikely?

Thankfully, the lower photo is labeled Grandma (Great-Grandma to me), Grandpa (Great to me), Aunt Evie, Uncle Sam, and Uncle Percy. I never knew any of them, but I do know that Percy was an early lineman for the local electric company, Central Hudson. When my daughter was doing a summer internship there, she learned from a wall honoring him that he had invented safety protector used long ago at the top of electric poles!

On the back of the page in perfect script, my mother wrote, "1912, Margaretsville," which would indicate my maternal Grandmother's hometown. Here's where it gets squirrely. My mother writes, "(her) Grandma, Grandma Patten and Dominic?" I think this might be my grandmother's half brother but all this is sending me down the genealogy rabbit hole, where all this is headed. There is no way this project is going to be done in a month! Sigh. 

J

June 22: Call of the Sea

This month, I am capturing old photos that are important in sustaining the memories of people who have shaped the complex image of family in a way that combines both images and stories.

It was a wonderful long weekend in Vero Beach, where they had already established a retirement community and an enviable circle of support. It had been bitter cold back in NY, but shorts and tee-shirts were THE garb there! Over dinner, there were tales of relentless golf matches and planning for an upcoming Valentine's Day Party. They celebrated every event because they all matter. 

The smell of the sea and signs for seafood were everywhere and yet it was the familiar pull of family that filled the weekend with joy. I had seen pictures and I had heard tales of their place at the sea, but I had no idea they spent the entire weekend on the edge of the sea where the rhythm and healing power of the waves were steps away. I ventured into the sea even if it was February as they watched!  

It was my only trip to their Place at the Sea as Barbara would be taken by a horrid strain of the flu not long after. Yet, Vincent has continued to hear the Call of the Sea and find retirement love and warmth in the warm breezes and salty air. While I never made it back, I still can hear the Call of the Sea and I've carried the reminder that every birthday and significant matters and deserves its moment to shine.

June 22: Saving Memories

Today's Ethical ELA Host, Leilya, has the most wonderful bionic line as it says she "lives in Ponchatoula, LA, a small town celebrated for its strawberries." Today's prompt asks us to write a poem about a souvenir, whether it is real or imagined. It may be something you bought, something you remember, something emotional or invisible, or something unexpectedly small but meaningful.

Pink sands of Jobson's Cove, 

Gale force winds of the Cliffs of Mohr, 

Innumerable Limone di Siracusa, 

Drenching and deafening Gullfoss,

Endless switchbacks of Bright Angel Trail,

Beside memories of the Ionian Sea,

Powerful reminders.

Yes, that one picture could use to be straightened!

June 20: Ethical ELA: Just a Dream

 

Today's Ethic ELA asks us to write a poem about your perfect getaway or escape. It may be real or imagined, near or far away, luxurious or wonderfully simple. It may be a place from memory, hope, or longing. My space is just a dream, fashioned from memories of finding peace and happiness at the sea.  They arrive with smiles, knapsacks, Stepping out of busy lives,  Returning from beyond, Grabbing coffee, sitting briefly Before the sea calls to them, too. Returning sun-kissed, windblown Momentarily carefree, to share On the porch after sunset,  Over tea, in the swing, On indefinite walks, at sunrise, Over elaborate sandcastles On a rainy night, sunny morning, Momentarily sharing my dream Returning to the salty memories, life Before pressures, busy live, sweet memories Grabbing a towel for one last dip before Returning to share memories, dreams Stepping slowly, back to the sea They leave my dream.

June 20: To Tony From Kitty

This one was crumpled and torn, I honestly wasn't sure who it was or when it was taken. Was this at a train station where a really confident young woman was waiting? Her smile seems to say, "I know what I am doing!" 

I love her dress which suggests a late 1920's time frame (I think). I stared at the photo, like several I uncovered this week, and realized the love letter on the back told me this photo was a "selfie" type photo from a young women, smitten with a young man. She likely had someone take it for her in order to give it to her beau, Tony!  

I am enthralled by her choice of the word "from," perhaps because the word "love" had yet to be uttered in describing their relationship! 

Kitty lived and worked in Brooklyn and He lived in the far-away borough of the Bronx! In time they would marry and become parents of three; she would become my other mother.

The look of young love

Eager, hopeful, excited

Has not changed a bit

 

June 19: That Safety Bucket

A long time ago, back when car seats were mandated in NYS but not nationwide, we were gifted the "latest and safest" infant car seat by a Car and Driver neighbor/reporter who was reviewing this giant bucket! It was bulky by today's standards and there was no way anyone was taking this monster out of a car to run into a store! I smile thinking of those new, car seats that turn into strollers with a click and would fit inside this big-old-thing!

Yet, it seemed safe and it seemed to offer a newborn side to side protection. To be honest, it barely fit in my compact Dasher with the other car seat for the toddler sister! But, the state-of-the-art 3-point harness did seem to be a positive change and so I shoved my baby into it until that harness no longer fit! 

I decided to share the picture as a reminder that I really did try to be safe and follow guidelines even if I did put my babies to bed on their bellies and I did have bumpers on their cribs until they took them apart to escape! The little one in the bucket was a master at escaping, but I did try to keep him safe!  That is another story!

 

June 18: Hunger

 

Deep in the Depression, my Grandfather, Gerow, built this playhouse in the yard. It immediately became a special place for his children as well as the neighbors!

I wonder if this was a time when there was little work for a welder and jack-of-all trades who could fix almost anything in spite of limited education ? I wonder if he was bored of if he always had a plan to sell it? 

As the story goes, for a few magical months, Natalie, about 5, Lucille, about 10, and Mary Etta, about 15 created a lifetime of memories there. As my mother who was too young to grasp the hunger and poverty of the day told the story many years later, they all were heartbroken when the little house was sold. 

As I reflect on the story, I suspect there is a whole lot more to the story! I suspect the  building and selling was about hunger. Those were hard times and clearly, my Grandfather in the background, was much thinner than in later years when I knew him! There was not always enough food is the one thing they all agreed upon.

I'm also grateful my mother wrote under the picture, "Don't I feel proud of my playhouse, 1936!" 

Hunger

Parents do hard things

To put food on the table 

Quiet the rumbling

June 17: Suit Over Food!

Long ago, in the days before electricity, he left school perhaps after 3rd grade to help his dad in the family business delivering ice to apartments in NYC. He was a man of all trades over the years painting apartments, plowing snow, and picking up refuse in the years after the ice business was no longer needed. 

While I do not have the pictures, he was a handsome devil when he married my mother-in-law, strong and proud of his Italian heritage. Their city lifestyle suited the family for many years, but after another son arrived their apartment was cramped and the Bronx was under stress. Their move to the country town of Poughkeepsie must have been an incredible change; yet, in ways that seem to be symbolic of adapting to change, he reinvented himself to do bank security. 

He was already retired when my daughter appeared on the scene, and jumped at the chance to take her to the magical McDonalds where there were "Happy Meals" and an indoor playground! While that was not the usual fare for my "crunchy-healthy-eating-child," I saw the delight in his eyes and always bit my tongue. I also knew there were sweets on the empty kitchen chair that all the grands consumed when there! 

Perhaps my favorite story was from his latter years when his words were fewer and yet packed a punch. When my son turned 13 and growing like a weed while eating us out of house and home, we asked Grandpa if he had any messages for us as parents of a teen. He responded quickly as if the thought was already to emerge, "I'd rather buy him a suit of clothes than feed 'em!"  THIS was long before the current crazy food price inflation!

Anthony could be gruff, at times, but his heart was in the right place. He'd be mighty proud of all those children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren who carry his name into the future and share his ability to adapt the the many changes life has to offer, including the littlest ones who are already eating their parents out of house and home. 

 

1 child, 3 daughters-in-law, 7/9 grandchildren

SOL26: June 16: Significance

Today, I am sharing with my SOL community a slice of what I have been doing! 

I've been doing a deep dive, sorting through old photos. Some like these incredible tin-type beauties are clearly old, most likely from the late 1800's when the cost was accessible to working class families. I am pretty sure they represent my great-grandmother's generation or perhaps the great-greats (immigrants all); sadly, I am pretty sure I will never know who they were nor why they were able to get such a photos in the days when photos were rare!

The grainy remaining image of this one, even older, makes me wonder about the impact of time for today's photos! I wonder how future generations will cope with the mass of photos from parents who captured every smile, step, and word uttered in video as well as images. Will they all be lost to cyberspace like those clunky VHS recorder images (now cluttering landfills) we older people made of  special events? I also realize the significance of any image supported only by the printed words that accompany them. It is going to be a gargantuan task to go through and label the 7 million images parents these days have taken of their precious ones! But, otherwise who will know?

For example, this image taken of my mother's table on the morning of her funeral awaiting people to fill bags with her treasures brings only me right back to that day. I can feel the significance of a tearful, sorting and setting up late the night before. I still had a long drive home thinking about finding a 24hour grocery to buy flowers!  No one else could guess this!

Could anyone imagine this is a close up of a magnificent tree in the lobby of a grand hotel on the day of a grand family wedding?  No one would  guess the significance of this as the last time my nuclear family would be in the same place at same time! Not a soul could imagine that miracles would emerge from that glitter! 

Sure, this looks a bit like a modern version of Grant Woods American Gothic'; however, it is an image of a special night celebrating a modern day, education-farm!  It's also a way to give a birthday shout out to a special someone who celebrates a significant day today! The unknown tin types fill me with curiosity; yet, there is a message to remember the significance of words along with images!  

This last picture is of the birthday girl's homemade birthday present, because clearly I can be distracted from this photo soring project! I guess it is a significant reminder that I do my best work with fixed due dates!   Happy Birthday MAF

 

June 15: Show Stopping One Line Response

This month's trip down memory lane has dredged up lots of memories and stores that I do not want to forget, as well as a strong reminder of the Dineen family gift of delivering one effortless line at just the right moment of time to settle the dispute, quiet the ruckus, or relieve the tension. I realize the skill has passed through the family tree along with propensity for laughs and power naps, although some are more blessed than others, 

One time, my mother was covered in sweat, baking lasagna for a crowd in 90 degree weather because she really thought they came expecting that dinner that day! As my Aunt Lora retrieved a beer from the fridge for someone in the backyard. My mother, ever the hostess with the mostess, started apologizing for the heat, and the late lasagna, when my aunt looked at her seriously and said, "Natalie, I realize you have a lot on your plate, but are you in charge of the weather, now?" I am not sure how many people in the kitchen burst out laughing. 

Cousin Shawn, who is still alive and well and living in his family home on Long Island has the trait as demonstrated in another story shared by my cousin Kurt (co-author extraordinaire). Shawn was driving faster than he should have been home from Cousin Billy's wake on a cold, icy, snowy December night in his super-souped-up Camaro down the rough country roads, My cousin Kurt was riding shotgun while Aunt Mary and another of my aunts were bouncing up and down in the back while trying to hold on for their lives.  Finally, from the backseat, someone uttered, "Slow down!" just as they passed a field with a large cow and three of her offspring. 

Clearly forgetting who was in the backseat or perhaps just knowing it was time to lighten the mood of the long, sad day, Shawn said, "Hey, there is Grandma and The Three Old Maids."  

Kurt mumbled, "Hey Shawn, Aunt Mary is in the backseat!" but frankly it didn't matter, While we all knew the aunts were "old maids," there was never before an occasion so heavy as to need such a distracting line! 

My father and my brother's obituaries both mentioned their, "show stopping one line responses." While I never knew my grandfather, I wonder if he had that gift of wit? Or, perhaps, my grandmother, in the days before she was worn thin by 10 children, endless laundry, and all the joys of farm life in those days have show stopping lines? I do see the trait in at least one of my nieces, one of my children, and one of my grandchildren. I KNOW they are not the only cousins passing on the show-stopping-one-liner gene connected to the need-to-nap gene! 

"just resting my eyes"

June 14: Billy

My Dad was the only boy (other than his dad) in a household full of hormones when my Aunt Anne and Uncle Bill's only child, William Jr. was born.  They lived in town and I suspect that contributed to their life-long special relationship, more like brothers, than uncle and nephew.  I remember a picture of them coming home from a successful hunting trip, arm in arm, smiling from ear to ear, with their spoils! My dad didn't hunt, IMO, but I guess he did with Billy!

I am pretty sure that everybody really and truly loved Billy. The Aunts adored him, his younger cousins worshipped him, and his kindness was legendary. He was good at sports, great in school, able to fix any car, and could blend into any situation with any group of people with ease.  

My very first memory is attending his graduation at Valley Central High School, it was that big of a deal. The Aunts, Grandma, his parents, were all there with us in the front row (or at least it seemed to kindergarten me) as he went up to the podium to give his speech as his class as the Valedictorian,  I may have just learned to write my whole name neatly, but I knew it was a really big deal and I tried to listen, and knew I wanted to be like him. I also remember how we stood and clapped proudly t the end,  My Dad cried, as did The Aunts, and I think even Grandma. 

Billy headed off the RPI to pursue an engineering degree, but complications of a burst appendix derailed his plans. He was in and out of hospitals for the rest of his days not spent on his parents' sun porch, Then, one morning, the phone call was for my Dad, a rarity in those days with tweens in the house. He sat down, listened, said nothing as tears rolled down his cheeks. He went to the garage without saying a word to anyone and punched a hole in the wall. Billy was gone. 

Aunt Anne and Uncle Bill somehow managed to keep being the kind, generous, loving parents and grandparents they had always been to Billy's wife's second family, my cousin Kurt and his children and to everybody they were lucky enough to meet along the path. 

*Thanks again to my co-author and cousin whose stash of pictures are treasures and whose stories are memorable!