SOL22 March 1 Starting Gate

 

Here I am: Anita,

A Complex Patchwork,

Mom, Meme, Auntie,

Cousin, Friend,

Teacher, Coach,

Teacher of Teachers,

Fan of: Great Books,

Aqua Bootcamp,

Avocado & Hot Tea,

Peace,

Fledgling Writer

I stand here at the starting gate,

Feeling as if I was returning

To the gym after a long absence,

Stomach churning, knees wobbling,

Wondering if I will complete the challenge,

Afraid of late posts, so many powerful writers,

Knowing I have done this before, nine times,

Assured I will feel amazing at the finish line. 

SOL22 Number or Word People

I get that today 2-22-22 is a big day for "numbers people."

This post, however, is about me and I am a "word person."

10 years ago, I would log on, still wrapped in my robe, and play Scrabble with a few friends as I sipped my early morning coffee. If I am totally honest, my Scrabble obsession usually preceded my email check. It was such an amazing way to be a part of special people I did not see regularly, but who shared my obsession with words. It was an amazing way to start each day.

Then, came a relationship with Sudoku, first in the daily newspaper and then through an App. It has numbers in it, but it really is a puzzle. Playing it somehow made me feel closer to my brother who, back in the day, was a master at Sudoku strategies,  Still, it's a solitary obsession even though it is mind stimulating! I still "do" Sudoku but it is just me "beating" a random puzzle. 

I spent too much time with Wordscapes during the early days of lockdown.  Like Sudoku, it was a lonely obsession and I was actually pleased when I realized the puzzles had begun to repeat themselves causing me to stop.  

And then on social media, people started to post about Wordle.  "A puzzle for me, a certified Orton Gillingham teacher who know phonics and word structure," I thought to myself.  I began a daily Wordle in the fall and smile whenever I beat one of my word-smart-nemesis-friends, such as Erin, who seems to have a way with words!  Today, I used 3 attempts to guess the word and feel pretty good about myself!  I half expect Erin will get it in 2 attempts.....sigh.

  

#sol22 February 8 These Glasses

These are the glasses I wear 

To avoid cars on the road,

To respect traffic signals,

To enjoy words in my book,

To floss every crevice of every tooth,

To find earrings on the floor,

To navigate slushy holes,

To appreciate blood-orange sunrises,

To savor lemony sunsets

To fully embrace life.

These are the glasses I should have

Replaced long ago!

 

#sol22 February 1 Hate-Love Relationships

 

I know many people head to the stores to stock up when a snow day is predicted; however, I  typically avoid (hate) those snow-induced-mass-shopping trips.  At the end of a busy week, my refrigerator was bare; yet, the frenzied crowd at the local Shop Rite was an assurance of long lines and harried shoppers.

So, after last weekend's "big snow" event, after the roads were cleared, I headed to the store.  It was still cold, about 8 degrees, and the wind chill cut right through me as I cleared the ice from the car.  While the sun was certainly bright, the cold was a paramount thought as I climbed into the car.  I must admit thoughts of hating snow and wanting Florida ran through my mind; however, at that moment, my number one need was a bit of food. 

The wind was blowing the loose snow around as I slipped  into the street and into what was still a respectable build-up of ice on the roads. "I'm done with winter, snow, and ice," I thought to myself even though the winter had admittedly been pretty mild up to this point. 

Less than a mile from my house, however, my negative thoughts about the snow and cold and shoveling hassles were replaced with smiles as the hills, even the little ones, were alive with clearly joyful children (and parents) enjoying the age old beauty of sliding on the snow.  Thoughts of my own trips down the hills as a child and memories of watching my own children explore the snow made me smile, in spite of the cold. Thoughts of snow days, pajama filled mornings, snow crusted mittens and hot chocolate filled cups flooded my mind.

A recent conversation replayed in my head as I thought of my own hate-love relationship with snow.  "You can't love and hate something," he said with the confidence of a clearly literal preschooler.  I guess that is true at 4 years old; yet, at this stage of life, I really do have a hate-love relationship with the snow and bitter cold!

#sol21 December 21 If Only In My Dreams

 

Long before I was born, Bing Crosby crooned "I'll be home for Christmas" in a 1943 holiday classic song. At the time, the melancholy image of a soldier far from home, yearning to be with loved ones was clearly on his and others' minds. It's always been just a song on the radio (or on Pandora) not one that I hummed during the holidays!

Yet, that song popped into my mind when I overheard someone respond to the, "What are you doing for Christmas," question with a solemn, "I'll be home for Christmas.  I guess it's the new normal" 

Those words drifted in my head when I heard the rest of the Radio City Music Hall's Spectacular performances were cancelled. 

The words seeped into my mind as I reconsidered plans, out of an abundance of caution.

The message echoed in my head as I thought of all those families and friends estranged since March of 2020! 

The song was playing as I waited for my own PCR test.

Perhaps it is the last line of the song that is the most fitting, again this year.  "If only in my dreams." 

PS
Despite this melancholy post, I hope you and your family get together however works for you and that your holiday season is safe and peaceful.  No matter what, I am hoping we are going into a 2022 where dreams will come true!  

#sol21: December 7: Covid Scars

Not long after getting my booster, not long after the numbers seemed to be trending in a good direction, and not long after my niece wrote about "Surviving Covid, "  I was feeling brave enough to attend an Aqua-Boot Camp session.  I was feeling braver than in nearly 2 years and grateful to see some vaguely familiar faces after a long time away.  The water was unusually cool (the heaters were broken) and the session was more intense than I remembered.  The instructor claimed to be trying to keep us warm; however, our group of shivering bathing suit wearing individuals seemed to "bond" over goosebumps and tired muscles.

After class, we escaped to a masked, dressing room where our stories seemed to emerge we shimmied into our sweats and sneakers.  

"This was hard because I'm still unusually cold these days almost a year after Covid," someone offered as she quickly slid into sweats. 

"Covid has made me cold all the time as well," someone else added.

"My son is still struggling with taste," someone else offered, "it's been 20 months."

"My granddaughter is fighting Covid right now.  She is just a baby but pretty sick, at home," someone else commented.

"My husband died on Thanksgiving last year.  I can say it now, but I still really can't believe it.  He left in an ambulance and I never saw him again.  There was no funeral or memorial service because of Covid and it still does not seem real. I am glad I can come here to see familiar faces," someone else added eliciting comments of support and sympathy from everyone in earshot.  Most of us stopped breathing for a moment as she shared her story.

On the way home, my newfound bravery was replaced with a reality that Covid has impacted us all - even if we have been lucky enough to survive.  Just about everyone lost someone in their circle of family or friends.  Just about everyone's family and friend relationships have been strained.  Just about everyone has scars that are raw and painful.  The emotional, economical, and societal scars of Covid are real and raw.....21 months after it first altered the course of our lives.  Like all life changing events, if we are lucky, we will be survivors with Covid scars.

#SOL November 30 Terror, Thankful

 

It was early evening when I heard the sirens and saw the lights rush past.  I glanced out my window to see a terrifying sight in the night sky.  The flames danced as if overjoyed to race through old walls; yet, there was a family whose lives were altered.

This time,

There is much for which to be thankful:

The family was safe,

Their pets rescued,

The house, saved.

So during this season, 

I give thanks for those

Who serve as firefighters.

PS: This is a good week to donate to volunteer firefighters 

and check your smoke detectors! 

#sol21 November 16 The Face in the Mirror

 

As I finished a vigorous morning tooth brushing, I glanced into the mirror to make sure my teeth were sufficiently clean before I began flossing those inner most spaces. 

I was not expecting my mother to look back at me; however, an uncanny resemblance of her was in the mirror. In reality, she was on my mind as it was the anniversary the ceremony of her exit from this world to be with my dad, my brother, her sisters and parents. In reality, it was not the first time I have looked into the mirror and seen an increasing physical resemblance.

Physical similarities aside, I am not my mother. I lift weights and do not have her signature string bean arms. I avoid ham and cheese casserole and skip the daily Scotch on the Rocks in lieu of grilled veggies and a glass of vino, now and then.  

Most importantly, I learned how I didn't want to live and how I wanted to live my life from watching my mother' and her generation: I'm embracing  healthy eating; looking ahead; enjoying my career, accepting a not-perfect home, and embracing the small moments of life. 

Yet, the face in the mirror increasingly resembles my mother, who I do miss.

#sol21 October 5, 2021 The Day The Window Popped

The morning started with a gentle rain and thick clouds that suggested there would be more rain and yet with the promise of many accomplishments.  I made my to-do list and smiled, confident that I could do it all. Then, I dropped my gym bag into the trunk, eager to start week 2 of my "take care of myself" program.  

    As I turned the first corner, I heard the familiar sounds of a stump grinder amid a bevy of trucks making it hard to see what was ahead.  Then, I heard the thump of what I thought was a wood chunk hitting just behind my driver's seat.  "Those folks should have set up one of those screens to protect people who are standing around.  That chunk would have hurt someone," I thought. I looked around for the name of a tree service on the side of a truck thinking I would not want to use that company but I did not linger as the traffic was backed up a bit! I did wonder if I would find a ding in the side of my car, but I did not linger on that thought with a day full of potential ahead of me.

   Arriving at my first destination, I reached for the door handle and a pop that sounded like fireworks stopped my eager anticipation of the day in its tracks.  The window was now a million little pieces of glass spilling onto the road, the floor; somehow avoiding the fortunately empty at that time car seat.

     My to-do list was altered as I explored options for glass replacement of a rarely replaced window (outside of car crashes) an era of supply chain shortages.  I did not make it to the gym; however, I learned about: windows that shatter to allow rescues; crash wrapping that allows you to keep driving; and insurance deductions that allow you to just buy a window!  

     The day ended with more of that gentle rain, a few unplanned tasks, and a grateful, even if under-exercised, heart.

 

#sol21 September 28 :Out of Touch

 "You haven't written a SOL post in a while," I thought as I watched the sky brighten the horizon and marveled at the crisp fall weather.  "Do you have something to say or do you have too many stories to tell to figure out which one? I thought as I put one foot in front of the other.  "Write them down," so you will remember, I thought as I turned the corner towards home.

"Can I give you a hug?" she asked as if we were meeting for the first time or on a first date rather than loving each other for nearly half a century! The simple and respectful question during this Covid-era has lingered in my thoughts for days now. I guess I (like most of us) took hugs from friends and relatives for granted in the Pre-Covid-era.  To be honest, I have pretty much stopped hugging and hand shaking except for my grand children even though I am fully vaccinated.   

Then, I saw a video clip of Former President Obama politely hugging three individuals who will be instrumental in his Presidential Center in Southside Chicago and that simple and respectful question reminded me that we ALL need the physical touch that this lingering pandemic has taken from us.  

That simple and respectful question in these uncertain times reminded me that exercise is not enough to keep a body "in tune."  , like most of you,  am out of touch and I don't like it!