Tuesday, February 3, 2015

#sol2105 You deserve it

Characters: Mother, daughter
Scene 1: the living room

"You deserve it," I had said many times.  "Dad would want someone to help you like you helped him for so many years," I implored more times than I could count.

"Nobody does things the way I want them too" she said sternly more times than I could count.  "I want to paddle my own canoe for as long as I can," she added so many times that I could have said the words before they were uttered.

"I'm trying," I said many times, "but you deserve more.  You deserve someone who can be here for you. You deserve someone to help you clean and shop. You deserve the help so you can enjoy living here in your own place."

"You try," she admitted many times, "but you don't clean the way I want you to and when you go to the store you don't know what I want.  You are not me," she said many times, "even though I do appreciate what you do for me."

"Then, let's try," I asked, "to find someone who will be your hands and legs."  

"I don't want someone hanging around here all day telling me what to do," she said sternly "If I need some help, I will tell you."  

Characters: Mother, daughter
Scene 2: the living room

"I decided," she said finally, "I need a little more help than you can give me.  I know you try," she acknowledged, "but with all your meetings, I need more than you can give me.  I wish you didn't have so many meetings but everyone has to work, that is just how it is."

"What a good idea," I suggested trying hard not to contain my excitement or hopefulness.  .  

Characters: Mother, daughter
Scene 3: the living room

"It was a great day," she said sounding tired by happy.  "I need a little more help than you can give me.  I wish you didn't have so many meetings but you have to work, that is just how it is.  When I was talking to the kids," she said looking seriously, and I knew she was referring to the grand kids (who are really smart, young adults), "they said they think I deserve someone to help me like I helped Grump for so many years. I think they were right.  They said no one will do things exactly my way, but they thought we could find someone who would have time to clean the right way.  They were right."

"Wow, they had some good ideas," I smiled, trying hard not to contain my excitement or hopefulness.  .  
It really doesn't matter WHO comes up with the solution.  Perhaps, those grand kids knew I needed a bit of help?  Perhaps, ideas "taste" better when they are served up by the grand kids.  Perhaps, we both deserve a bit of help.    


writekimwrite said...

It can be such a hard journey with aging parents. I just traveled a similar road with my Dad. We just do the best we can as it is unchartered territory dealing with a parent who sometimes acts like a rebellious kid. So thankful for your wisdom and that of the "kids". God bless you! You are a good daughter.

Carol said...

Traveling this road with my mom right now. So glad you have arrived in a place that is working better for you.

LInda Baie said...

I have dear colleagues who are traveling this path, Anita. I'm glad those 'grand-kids' gave a little help to you! And best wishes to your mother, too.

Kristi Lonheim said...

Learning to ask for help is hard for loads of us. Glad you could have the 'sugar coating' of grand kids helping with the idea.