July 21 Ethical ELA Fireflies

 Today's Ethical ELA prompt asked us 

to recall a moment in nature 

when something wondrous happened.

Fireflies

"I remember watching fireflies 

With her," she mused, 

Sitting in front of her house, running after them.

My eyes welled, memories with her, 

Watching butterflies, dragonflies, and fireflies,

Dancing in the moonlight in the big backyard, 

Celebrating life at the Falls,

Sipping camping "medicine" around the campfire.

As we settled into a rhythm,

Chairs rocking ever so slowly

On the porch, on a warm summer night,

So many years later, I shared memories,

As they, on cue, 

Put on the best show.

Rising gently, but with determination

A swarm of fireflies

Grateful for a warm night, an audience,

Celebrated family, summer nights, memories.

Ethical ELA July 20 I Wish

Today's Ethical ELA prompt asks us to consider 

places we have stayed in but not lived in, trips we have taken, 

and people we once knew, but no longer know.

I could go in so many directions...

I wish we could have shared

That winery on the top of Mt Etna

Tidbits of cheese among volcanic ash or

Prayed in an aging church with

Pews infused with generations of hope, despair or

Held on tight so the wind did not

Blow us back to America before

We celebrated in the grotto of Castlemola

With waves interspersing our hopes and dreams.

But, at the fork in the road,

we lost our way so,

I went without you.

Ethical ELA: Stiches for the Future

This morning, the host of Ethical ELA encouraged us to write about memories 

stitched together, as in a quilt.

Until, the twenty aughts,

We celebrated families, birthdays, holidays.

Too much food, lots of laughter, so many memories,

Reminders of love, rather than gifts, optional.

I wonder if she knew these butterflies, flowers,

Now, nestled in a worn, stained apron,

Stitched in love, so long ago, 

Would still hang in my hallway?

Daily reminders to savor special moments,

While the future is not promised,

Embrace the present, celebrate your people.

SOL25 July 15 Not Always Perfect

 I am both in awe and inspired by fellow Slicers.

I have been following Kim Johnson's memories of her Dad and

like a good writer, she has me remembering the wisdom

my Mom shared in her last days.

My mother's vision of perfection as a woman came not from her depression-era mother, who struggled to provide food and clothing, but from images plucked from magazines and movies of crisp aprons, gleaming kitchens, and immaculate children. It was an image that was hard to maintain when you lived in a tiny mobile home, but she embraced it as her mission.

My own vision of success included a career-I-loved, relatively-healthy meals, and not-always-perfect, but happy children in a home that was just clean enough to be safe. While you could not eat off our floors, you could usually find a shirt! It too was an image that was hard to maintain!

During the last month of her life, a new school year started with all the stressors and challenges, my first two grandchildren arrived, three days apart, and my long-marriage dissolved into oblivion! My mother knew about the first two situations; I did not share the third. 

"You know," she said in a weak voice, "mothers always seem to have a sense about the stress in their children's lives, which aren't always perfect."

I think about her words as I watch, from afar, a social-media-hyped-image-generation with incredible careers, fabulous families, and magnificent homes; certainly stressors, and clearly hard, nearly impossible to maintain even if you had a maid, a nanny, a landscaper, and a trust fund!

#sol25 July 8 You Should Get Going

I am both in awe and inspired by fellow Slicers.

I have been following Kim Johnson's memories of her Dad and

like a good writer, she has me remembering the wisdom

my own Dad shared with me.

Have you ever made a tough decision? 

I had planned to take my her on a celebratory trip before starting her new job, in a new-just-for-her state. Our plans had already morphed from elaborate to just a few days at the beach, due to my dad's decline and the advice of our hospice nurse. We had reservations for a few days before she would be consumed with her new responsibilities, and I had thrown a swim suit and shorts into a bag; but, I was not optimistic. The last few days had been a significant downward spiral and my mother was pretty sure the end was near when we talked in the early morning.  "He will not wake up and will not drink," she said sadly. She did not think I should head to the beach. 

As I drove to their house, I said a prayer, but I did not ask for my dad to get better from his multiple health issues; instead, I asked for guidance or a sign about whether I should or should not go. 

As I walked into the door, my Dad was sitting at the table, reading the carefully folded NY Times and drinking a cup of coffee. "Did you catch Maureen's (Dowd) column," he smiled even though his skin was as gray as stormy sky and his eyes were glossy and sinking. We talked about the column and the weather and he offered me an easy exit that took my breath away, "You should get going so you can catch some waves today." 

The trip had not been part of any conversation for at least a week, and I will never know if he had somehow remembered, my mom had prompted, or the hospice nurse had asked if I was going.

He never said, "Don't forget to read Dowd's column when I'm gone," but I he clearly planted that seed. He never said, "Catch waves with your children while you still can," but I certainly felt his message in the Herculean effort it must have taken to make a trip to the table. 

Confident that this was my sign, I headed to the beach to celebrate the new chapter of her journey with hope for a few days in the sun, before the next chapter of my own.

 

July 6, 2025 Plans That Did Not Happen

 

I was in a pretty low mood when I ran into Trader Joe's Grocery. I had plans for the day that were not going to happen and the horrific news from Texas was weighing heavily on my heart as I pulled into the checkout line.

The Mama ahead of me was emptying her loaded cart at break-neck speed, but her little ones in the front to the cart clearly had plans to escape that were not going to happen, just like me!  I made a smiley face and then a silly face and then did bunny rabbit hands to distract the little one, and it worked. Her other children quickly came to watch my distractions and for just a few moments, we did a sort of silent, Simon Says game to improve everyone's mood right there at the front of the store as if that had been our plan all along! 

In mere minutes we were all smiling and it was my turn to check out. I asked the cashier to bill me for a bag as I had purchased more than I planned; however, the Mama nearly jumped over the counter to offer two bags to me. "Please," she offered, "take these extras, I have more than enough bags, and too few hands" she grinned as she offered, her bags, "Good Shabbos," she offered sincerely as my frozen pizza went over the scanner. Her crew waved until they reached the door, our newfound friendship forged over plans that did not happen. 

SOL25 July 1 If You Want to Change Behavior

Yelling, punishment, and threats may cause short-term changes, but never results in long-lasting change.

I've thought about bullying as threats about tariffs and immigrants swirled in the news. I believe many people in my generation considered bullying to be a "normal" part of life. 

Bullying existed in schools, schoolyards, the military, boardrooms, and in relationships where those in power repeatedly and intentionally use words and actions to cause distress or to make people feel helpless. (Webster).  Bullying HAS life-altering, negative, sometimes fatal, effects.  Thus, in 1999, Georgia enacted the first anti-bullying legislation and all states followed.

I've also thought about a subset of bullying, scapegoat management, where an individual or group is targeted as a means of managing others or to deflect the blame from those in power. You likely remember teachers who sent a targeted student to the principal's office or out in the hall quieting the whole class! Lifelong anger and resentment is all that happened.

If you want to change behaviors, provide positive rewards to people (and businesses) for doing what you want them to do. Reward them for growing businesses, working hard, paying taxes, raising families, and respecting the rules of society. 

I usually steer clear of politics when teaching, but the news is ripe with examples of what not to do!  I'll offer an online course!

June 25, 2025 75 years ago

My mother always treated "June 25th" as a "holy day of obligation," requiring at least a phone call, and more appropriately a gift such as flowers. To be honest, I forgot their "anniversary" many times over the years as it often was paired with the last day of school, the need for classroom dismantling, and/or a play-off game. I usually offered a "sorry," and a earned a stern reminder.  

Today would have been my parents' 75th Anniversary if they had the incredible run of Jimmy and Roselyn Carter.  Instead, my parents "only" had 55 anniversaries celebrating the tenacity and patience it took for two very different people to honor that "death do us part" promise. 

I suspect they could have parted on the years when they moved two or even three times or during the years when physical and mental illnesses challenged any celebration. I am pretty sure they wondered about their future when job losses and medical bills challenged their equilibrium.  Yet, their decision to bend and accept provided a foundation and model of tenacity and patience that I could not offer my own children. 

#sol25 Home For Sale

My friend's home is for sale.  People are slipping off their shoes and fingering her kitchen counter where not so long ago she stood happily serving quiche and tempura shrimp while making sure glasses were kept full. Strangers are squatting in her sunny room, these days, where we shared unimaginable challenges, unbelievable betrayals, and life-altering losses. My friend no longer sleeps in her oversized bedroom with the king-sized bed and enormous television screen.

Someone is going up and down the stairs counting bathrooms and imagining their family in her space, the one her family once filled with love and acceptance. There are people imagining the miracle of an indoor pool on a snowy day and wondering if a pool table would fit in the basement. My friend is sad, even though some memories are fading.

The physical structure of a home provides a foundation for any family during the long and challenging days of days of working, raising a family and living full lives. Within any family, there will be losses, separations, and disappointments and there maybe many "moves" to "new-to-them homes". Most of those changes will be exciting, even if mixed with sadness.   

However, the chapter of life where all the wallpaper, crystal and Lenox is no longer needed comes for all of us who are "lucky" enough to live long enough. There is no way around it; this chapter is wrapped in sadness and measured in memories. 

There will be a new family, but that home already has a foundation of memories. 

sol25 Tiny But Mighty

 

The "vintage" Casablanca version dangled above my head like a giant albatross for years. I did turn it on once, in the early days, when the temperature in my bedroom was unbearable; however, it bobbled and swayed like an aging dancer attempting a late night fox trot on the ceiling! Since then, it just "hung around" awaiting extrication. 

"Could you just cap it?" I asked the electrician after he did the required electrical updates celebrating my home's centennial birthday. 

"Why not a little fan," he suggested whipping out a couple of photos. 

That is how the tiny, but mighty fan found its way onto my ceiling reminding me that you can be tiny, but mighty.