To Send or Not to Send

 In years long past,in the days before Facebook and other social platforms connected us, I spent the early morning hours after Thanksgiving summarizing the events of my family. Then, when I had a few minutes I would draft notes to friends and family I used my core letter as a guide. It was a laborious task that I did because I loved to get "annual updates and pictures" tucked into greeting cards each holiday. 

Overtime, my letters became shorter and shorter with updates about work, care-giving, and grown children; yet, I looked forward to those cards and notes that interspersed bills and junk mail for a few weeks each year and I kept up the tradition.

Then, one year, I did not send out cards. Certainly, I had some good excuses. There were significant school, and care-giving demands plus a wedding days after Christmas.  There were no cards left by the time I got around to looking for them. I decided to skip the cards assured that many family and friends who were not with us in Bethlehem that Christmas season had glimpsed images of my family dancing and celebrating on Facebook.

Before the next holiday season, there were two little miracles to celebrate; however, in the blink of an eye, our family, at least how I defined it at that point, had ended. I could not send out greetings plastered with images of cherubic faces and adoring grandparents when I could hardly find the energy to smile.  How do you send cards saying you are crying every day and will no longer be setting up a tree, sharing the Feast of Many Fish, or gathering at a family table?

I get very few cards, now, perhaps in part because I do not send any.  I do wonder about those, like me, who post  rarely and those who avoid social media. I wonder if they know I still think of them? I wonder if they know I still keep them in my heart?  I know the cost of stamps and cards is crazy. I know that others' lives are filled with work, children, care-giving, and the demands of trying to survive this Covid era I know that Facebook, Instagram and Messenger have changed how we communicate and how we share our stories. 

Yet, this year, after years of therapy and now many months of physical and social isolation, I am wondering if this year should be a year to dust off the old address book and reach out with a card?  After years of putting my head in the sand and minimizing celebrating the miracle of daily life and health, should this be the year I remember the real gift of the holiday is to present?  

I am sure of two things this holiday season: 

We all need to remember we are not alone - even if it feels that way.

Without going to stores, I do have more time to draft totally personal notes.

So, that is my dilemma: to send or not to send Christmas cards......