My writing world friend Kim got me thinking about compassion
early this morning and as I walked I thought about how.........
I tried to support my mom during the last years of her life, taking her to appointments and respecting her loneliness after the loss of my brother and my dad. I wondered, most days, if her greatest fear was actually that her body no longer worked the way she wanted it to work. In retrospect, much of what I did for her was out of respect for my dad and brother who would have wanted me to overlook her instances of trying to control others as control of her life seemed be slipping away. I never really thought about it too much until this morning, but compassion may have been a reason for my actions as I really did have a desire to alleviate her distress even if it meant I had to overlook disregarding doctors' orders, firing caregivers, and talking without a filter. I did want to make her days as comfortable as could be even if she was, at times, mean and did not offer a thank you until her last day.
I did some thesaurus scanning and considered synonyms and other words: sympathy, empathy, pity, charity, forgiveness....none really work.
In reality, Kim, you have made me wonder about the feeling that allows us to do extraordinary acts, that in my opinion, goes beyond what we feel for those grateful for help, those starving people in Ukraine, Gaza, Sudan...., those suffering with cancer, ALS, mental illness....., those we do not forgive.......those who cannot tell us they are grateful?
6 comments:
Hi Anita! I think humans are so complicated. Mothers and fathers certainly love their children but for some reason cannot show them. That's how it was with my dad. He did love me but he also hurt me and it took me over 60 years to truly understand and develop compassion for myself and for my dad.
Anita, although we may feel that we do something out of respect for someone else or because we believe that is what they would want us to do, if we didn't have compassion, chances are that we wouldn't do anything. Although we may not get a "Thank You", in our hearts we know we did what was right. Bob
Caring for an elderly person is beyond tough. Compassion grows from love. You showed compassion because you loved your mother. Thanks for joining in Spiritual Thursday today.
You raise a great point that perhaps it was pride or inability to admit - or lack of readiness to face reality - that prompted his reluctance. I am finding comfort in your post and in knowing that others have been down this road with similar situations and have shown compassion in so many different ways. I am seeing glimpses of how sometimes we can show compassion without necessarily feeling that we did. Thank you for this truth!
Thanks for this post, Anita. I would like to add that another piece of your actions (or my actions in a similar situation) may be due to respect. We try to maintain respect for what came before, even though the present is tough. I'm curious to see if others think respect plays a part.
Oh Anita -- I think I'm walking a similar journey with my own mom. And as hard as it is, as hard as she can be sometimes, I realize that she is teaching me compassion. How to overlook the stuff that gets under my skin; how to set aside my frustration and anger; how to be present with grace. Thank you for your reflections.
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