I've always love school and learning. but I am one of those who needs to work hard to be a "pretty good" student. Today, I found out how it feels to be "close" but not good enough! Today, I saw words pop up on the screen that were clearly not words of congratulations! Today I felt like I let down my teacher, my peers, and me. Here's the sad story of my performance during the Google Educator test.
The first few participants taking the Google Educator online test passed with flying colors sharing their grades of "91, 92, 84...." Then, at the last minute as everyone was packing up, I finally hit send. To be honest, I was confident I had passed. I use Google Drive all the time. I felt like I knew many answers even without looking them up. The ones I was not sure of, I went back and tried out the questions in Docs, Forms, or Slides. Those questions that challenged my experiences were Googled or "Quizzletted." In my case, despite my confidence and much to my dismay, I failed. Not by much, just 2 points, but I still failed and that is exactly what it said on the screen!
After the initial shock wore off....as I was driving home....I became reflective...and introspective....and realized this happened for a reason. I needed this reminder. Test taking scores are not always indicative of proficiency. Sometimes we are not prepared and sometimes we are "cocky." Sometimes, we are approaching standards but not quite there. The good news is that I can take the test again. The good news is that I will not be kicked out of school. The good news is that my "mom" will not see me as a failure or question if this will impact my ability to get into Harvard. The good news is that I am reminded how it feels to be "approaching, but not at, standards."
The bad news is that next week, during my "vacation," I'll be studying and retaking this #)%(&%#)(& test.
After the initial shock wore off....as I was driving home....I became reflective...and introspective....and realized this happened for a reason. I needed this reminder. Test taking scores are not always indicative of proficiency. Sometimes we are not prepared and sometimes we are "cocky." Sometimes, we are approaching standards but not quite there. The good news is that I can take the test again. The good news is that I will not be kicked out of school. The good news is that my "mom" will not see me as a failure or question if this will impact my ability to get into Harvard. The good news is that I am reminded how it feels to be "approaching, but not at, standards."
The bad news is that next week, during my "vacation," I'll be studying and retaking this #)%(&%#)(& test.
10 comments:
As I read your honest reflection, I saw it as a great example of having a growth mindset, a concept I've been reading about in Carol Dwek's book. I especially liked how you implied student repercussions and your own frustration in having to now put in even more effort. But remember, you just haven't passed this test YET.
Your post resonated with me. I am only a second-year librarian, and often end up comparing myself to my more seasoned and/or creative colleagues and find myself lacking. I need to remember that I'm not there "yet"! Good luck with the retake!
Your writing reminds me so much of what writers say about writing the truth. Your writing also reminds me of how much readers long to read that truth. Your writing reminds me of how hard it is always to walk in our truth. I learned from your truth to tell my own.
Few say it better than Anne. I offer her words of wisdom to your truth telling:
“The very first thing I tell my new students on the first day of a workshop is that good writing is about telling the truth. We are a species that needs and wants to understand who we are. Sheep lice do not seem to share this longing, which is one reason they write so very little. But we do. We have so much we want to say and figure out.”
—Anne Lamott
This does put things into perspective doesn't it? The part that stung the most for me is the fact you get to take it again unlike our students. I have heard the google test is a tough one. So congrats on this accomplishment! I am sure you will get it the next time!
YOU are Not a Failure!!!!
A truly honest reflection. Good luck on your retake. I think second chances are something we don't get enough of.
I've thought many times about how useless tests can be. I would much rather assess a student with a project and then if I have to do an assessment to use a pre- and post assessment so students can see how much they have grown. Thanks for sharing!
-Amanda at http://teachingwanderlust.com/2015/03/27/i-love-my-backpack-sol27/
It really said you were a failure! That isn't exactly conducive to a positive feeling for future learning. I'm not sure every why we need to learn about every facet of every app. Why can't we just learn as we need the learning? This is a good reflection, though, seeing how students must feel when the big "F" comes into their lives.
What a truly honest post. You are NOT that test, and you are right, it does not clearly measure your proficiency. You are an amazing teacher. Your students are so lucky to have you. Good luck on your retake. :-)
You took this negative experience and turned it into a reflection full of depth and compassion. No, you are not a failure. And it is true that sometimes the parents of our students do look at a test as something much more important than it is.
Post a Comment